Going Through the Terrible Twos

tantrumSo I thought I’d share what my typical day looks like these days living with a three and a half year old who is going through the Terrible Two’s….only a year late.

7:00am – Get up and head to the kitchen to start making MK’s lunch and breakfast and get myself dressed and ready for the day.

7:30-7:45am – Go wake up my teenage three year old who would sleep until noon if I let her. This should be mentally pictured much like what a nervous and shaking victim unwillingly entering a dragon’s lair would look like.

8:15am – Finally convince the dragon to roll out of bed and go into the living room for some cartoons and a possible side of breakfast. After, of course, she yells at me to leave her alone because she is still sleepy and breathes fire directly into my face, singeing my eyebrows with her non-teeth-brushed breath.

8:45am – Begin demanding that she eat the breakfast that has been sitting next to her untouched for the last 30 minutes while she sits in a zombie-trance during Dinosaur Train, Super Why, & The Cat in the Hat on PBS.

470_25370209:00am – Begrudgingly initiate the daily morning show-down. A wrestling and yelling match normally ensues upon me trying to get MK to put on her school clothes, brush her teeth, and allow me to brush her rat’s nest hair. This wrestling match always ends with tears and screaming and often the time-out chair.

9:20am – Gather school bags, lunch box, and the still-crying and screaming kid to load into the car and head to school.
(Sounds like a fun day thus far, eh?)

9:30am – Drop MK off at school.

9:45am – Head back home or to Starbucks for at least one – two hours of writing.

10:45am-12:00pm – Anytime in between these hours, depending on if my writing is going well that day or not, I head over to the BFR office for a few hours of work there.
*This would be the part of the day that I used to get in my runs as well…. until I got knocked up, and the fetus inside of me would bounce on my bladder every run, giving me good reason to believe I should start purchasing Adult Depends. Hence the lack of runs happening in my life this past month or so. TMI? Sorry about that…

2:00pm – Leave BFR, home, or Starbucks (depending on where I went for the day) and head back to school pick up MK. Practice breathing exercises on the way, calming and relaxing myself in preparation for the promised battles I was to face within the next hour.)

2:30pm – Load MK back into the car to head home or to run errands… IF her mood allows. (More often than not, her mood does NOT allow).

2:45pm – Unload child, school bags, and daily artwork and head into the house and try to convince MK to eat a snack before her mood doesn’t allow much else besides screaming and crying.

3:00pm – Put MK in time out for yelling and screaming at me for no good reason. Besides maybe the reason that she is obviously starving but refuses to eat anything… including the breakfast and lunch that is still available for her since she didn’t eat them earlier in the day.

3:15pm – If MK has stopped crying in the time-out chair, I remove her and allow her to relax and have some chill-the-F-out time on the couch with Princess & The Frog or some other Disney movie playing. This chill-out time of hers is the most peaceful she is all day (at least in my presence), so I start laundry, doing dishes, cleaning the kitchen, the house… whatever needs to be done. If MK is willing to allow me to sit with her for a few minutes and she’s still not too mad at me for trying to force nutrients into her, I’ll read her a book or two during this time as well. Either before or after her movie is over. But always a movie… Princess I-Get-What-I-Want always gets a movie! One must remember that…

4:15-4:45pm – Bryant usually emerges from his cave office in the corner of the house, scavenging for food… which he normally has to figure out on his own due to my lack of culinary skills and energy from the battles I’ve barely survived throughout the day.

4:45pm – Bryant leaves to work with clients, leaving me to fend for myself against the holy 3 year old terror who is just finishing her movie and chill-the-F-out time and ready to re-enter the world of mama-hatred and demon-possession.

5:30pm – I normally make MK and myself an easy meal. I can sometimes get her to “help” me, which engages her and keeps her from screaming and yelling in my general direction for at least 45 minutes. Sometimes, however, this doesn’t work… in that case, picture yet another battle between mother and daughter.

6:15pm – Unsuccessfully try to get MK to eat the meal we just prepared. This leads to more screaming and yelling, which most often leads to time out for the rudeness she has thrown my way.

6:45-8:15pm – Grasp desperately for whatever activities will keep MK happy and me sane during this time before Bryant gets home.

Hiding_in_the_closet_by_The_Padded_Room copy8:15pm – This is when I relinquish all parenting duties to Bryant as he arrives home from work for the day and I disappear into a dark room or closet somewhere deep within the house to hide decompress and work on breathing exercises, trying to harness my chi. Nervous sweats tend to break out if anybody comes too close or demands any attention during this time.

9:15pm – Climb into bed with a book, refusing to look anybody or anything in the eye for fear of having to interact. Bryant is in charge of putting MK to bed (even though I don’t think he fully realizes this yet due to his grumbling and complaints about it… #toughluckdaddy-o), so I don’t have to deal with another fight that day.

I don’t know if my pregnancy hormones are contributing to the immense amount of impatience I have and the sheer brutal-ness of each day, but geeeeezzzzz…. whatever it is…. I’m OVER this. And I’m exhausted.

Mama needs a damn vacation already.

*images courtesy of Google Images

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